MY LIST OF MOVIE, TV, MUSIC, ... QUOTES
After finishing My List of 500 Rock Songs, I began work on this list of quotes.
Unlike my other list, here a movie or tv series can have more than one entry.
So my favorite movie, The Warriors (1979), has several quotes on this list.
This list was started in May 2013 with 50 quotes. It will take a few years to
reach 300 quotes. With only 300 entries, it will be shorter than my other list.
1. "A man's got to know his limitations." -- Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) in the movie Magnum Force
[I use this quote when someone wants me to try something I don't want to do.]
2. "Old man, how is it that you hear these things?" -- Grasshopper
"Young man, how is it that you do not?" -- blind Master Po in the Kung Fu tv series
3. "I love it when a plan comes together." -- Hannibal (George Peppard) in The A-Team tv series
4. "Take this under advisement, Jerkweed!" -- John McClane (Bruce Willis) in the Die Hard movie
5. "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" -- from the Monty Python tv series
6. "We will sell no wine before its time." -- Orson Welles in a Paul Masson wine commercial
[I use this quote when someone asks me why something I'm doing is taking so long.]
7. "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle!" -- Ajax (James Remar) in The Warriors movie
8. "You'll be living in constant danger every moment." -- the Chief
"And ... loving it!" -- Maxwell Smart (Don Adams) in the Get Smart tv series
9. "From now on, I will not try to reason with the idiots I encounter.
I will dismiss them by waving my paw and saying, 'BAH'." -- Dogbert
"Just because someone thinks differently
from you doesn't mean he's an idiot, Dogbert." -- Dilbert
"BAH!" -- Dogbert in the Dilbert comic strip
10. "You pays your money and you takes your choice, you know." -- I first heard this expression from Iggy Pop
talking to the crowd on the Stooges' Metallic KO album
11. "Come and get one in the yarbles" -- Alex (Malcolm McDowell) in the movie, A Clockwork Orange
12. "You gonna kill me now, Snake?" -- Hauk (Lee Van Cleef)
"I'm too tired. Maybe later." -- Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) in the movie, Escape From New York
13. "I'm not married. I hope to be someday, just so I can stop exercising." -- comedian Jeff Stilson
14. "That's 'fun fat'. Everybody has that." -- Oscar (Jack Klugman)
"I don't have it." -- Felix (Tony Randall)
"You don't have any fun, either." -- Oscar in The Odd Couple tv series -- "Fat Farm" episode at the 9 min. mark
15. "Homey don't play that." -- Homey D. Clown (Damon Wayans) on the tv show, In Living Color
16. "[It] was the boogeyman." -- Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis)
"As a matter of fact ... It was." -- Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) in the Halloween (1978) movie
17. "We want information ... information ... Information!" -- The New Number 2
"You won't get it!" -- Number 6 (Patrick McGoohan)
"By hook or by crook, we will." -- The New Number 2 in The Prisoner tv series
18. "You got me dead bang." -- Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) in the movie, The Crow
19. "And what do you call this little piece of heaven?" -- captured Union soldier in the made for tv civil war movie, Andersonville
20. "Next time, maybe do a little research." -- caveman in a Geico commercial
21. "Why am I Mr. Pink?" -- Steve Buscemi's character in the Reservoir Dogs movie
22. "There wouldn't be world hunger if you people would live where the food is.
You live in a desert! Nothing grows here!" -- comedian Sam Kinison
23. "Do you expect me to talk?" -- James Bond (Sean Connery)
"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die." -- Auric Goldfinger (Gert Frobe) in the movie, Goldfinger
24. "If it's not Scottish, it's Crap!" -- Mike Myers in a Saturday Night Live sketch
25. "I'm just going to walk the Earth." -- Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) in the movie, Pulp Fiction
26. "We can act if we want to
If we don't nobody will
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile" -- some lyrics from the Men Without Hats song, Safety Dance
27. "Danger! Will Robinson, Danger!" -- the Robot in the tv series, Lost in Space
28. "O-Ren Ishii, You and I have unfinished business!" -- said in Japanese by The Bride (Uma Thurman) in the movie, Kill Bill Vol. 1
29. "Can't argue with a confident man." -- Napolean Wilson (Darwin Joston) in the movie, Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)
30. "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." -- comedian Steven Wright
31. "They're gonna come in here and they're gonna get us!" -- Hudson (Bill Paxton)
"Hudson! This little girl [Newt] survived longer than that with no weapons and no training." -- Ripley (Sigourney Weaver)
"Then why don't you put her in charge?" -- Hudson (Bill Paxton) in the movie, Aliens
32. "Put that coffee down!
The coffee is for closers only." -- Blake (Alec Baldwin) in the movie, Glengarry Glen Ross
33. "When God gives you AIDS, make lemonaids." comedienne Sarah Silverman
34. "Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud ...hatch out." -- Claudius (Derek Jacobi) in the tv miniseries, I Claudius
35. "The 1st rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club.
The 2nd rule of Fight Club is: You DO NOT TALK about Fight Club." -- Tyler (Brad Pitt) in the movie, Fight Club
36. "Society has traditionally always tried to find scapegoats for its problems. Well, here I am." -- Marilyn Manson (October 1996)
37. "They're all gonna laugh at you." -- Carrie's mother (Piper Laurie) in the movie, Carrie
38. "Beauty is pain."
39. "How many more men will die, because of you, Johnny Smoke?" -- anti-smoking commercial from the 1960's
[When I was a kid, I thought Johnny Smoke was one of the coolest cartoon characters.]
40. "I know what a shark looks like, because I've seen one up close.
And I don't intend to go through that hell again!" -- Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) in the movie, Jaws 2
41. "I'm gonna make this pencil disappear." -- The Joker (Heath Ledger) in the movie, The Dark Knight
42. "Respect My Authoritah!" -- Cartman on the tv show, South Park
43. "Whatever comes out of these gates, we've got a better chance
of survival, if we work together." -- Maximus (Russell Crowe) in the movie, Gladiator
44. "Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica
On this lovely lovely Hanukkah
So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah
And smoke your mara-juanic-ah
If you really really wanna-kah
Have a happy happy Hanukkah" -- Adam Sandler singing the Hanukkah Song -- original on Saturday Night Live
45. "The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!" -- Navin R Johnson (Steve Martin) in the movie, The Jerk
[Sometimes it's the little things that matter most in life.]
46. "Al, I'm not asking you to spy, I'm just asking you to steal." -- Noah (Malachi Throne) in the tv series, It Takes A Thief -- pilot episode
47. "The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well." -- Alfred Adler or Joe Ancis?
[I first heard Rodney Dangerfield say this.]
48. "Puny God." -- The Hulk in the movie, The Avengers
49. "There's a guy wants to talk to you." -- Tonto talking on the phone to his boss
"What does he look like?" -- the Boss
"Serious." -- Tonto
"Tell him I'm coming up." -- Leon (Jean Reno)
"He's coming up." -- Tonto
(The boss hears Tonto get shot over the phone.)
"Somebody's coming up! Somebody serious!" -- the Boss in the movie, Leon the Professional
50. "And right now, right now, right now it's time to ...
Kick Out The Jams, Motherf*ckers!" -- the intro to MC5's song, Kick Out the Jams
51. "Test me. Test Me! And you'll see what manner of man is a Borgia Pope." -- Rodrigo Borgia (Adolfo Celi) in the miniseries, The Borgias (1981)
52. "And now, as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength." -- Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller)
"Oh no, not the feats of strength." -- George Costanza (Jason Alexander)
"Until you pin me George, Festivus is not over." -- Frank
"Oh, Please, Somebody stop this." -- George in the tv series, Seinfeld
53. "Why'd you do it? Why'd you waste Cyrus?" -- Swan (Michael Beck)
"No reason. I just like doing things like that." -- Luther (David Patrick Kelly) in the movie, The Warriors
54. "Is this where the singing lady is, the one who tells the truth?" -- little kid looking for Phoebe on the tv show, Friends
55. "I come in peace." -- bad alien (Matthias Hues)
"Then you go in pieces." -- Caine (Dolph Lungren) in the movie, I Come In Peace
56. "Suck on this." -- Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) in the movie, Taxi Driver
57. "That is, without doubt, the worst pirate I've ever seen." -- Norrington (Jack Davenport)
Then a little later, after Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has tricked Norrington into switching
ships - Norrington stuck on the slow one and Jack escaping on the fast one.
"That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen." -- Norrington's fellow officer in the movie, Pirates of the Caribbean
58. The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman marry and have a Bionic Baby.
The Bionic Baby is now 4 years old but has never said a word.
"He does love his chicken soup." -- Bionic Woman (Jenny-Lee Wright)
"Let me give it to him." -- Six Million Dollar Man (Benny Hill)
"This soup tastes like SHEEP DIP!" -- Bionic Baby (also played by Benny Hill)
"He can talk! Hey Steve, he can talk!" -- Bionic Woman
"He can talk. He can talk. BIG DEAL!" -- Bionic Baby
"Why did you wait until now to talk? Why didn't you talk before?" -- Bionic Woman
"Because up to now the chicken soup's been OK." -- Bionic Baby on the tv show, The Benny Hill Show
59. "That's not a knife. THAT's a knife." -- Mick Dundee (Paul Hogan) in the movie, Crocodile Dundee
60. "Live Or Die. Make Your Choice." -- Billy the Puppet, voiced by Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), in the movie, Saw
61. "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life." -- all the crucified guys at the end of the movie, Life of Brian
62. "Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea is getting cold.
Come on, Ace - we've got work to do." -- The Seventh Doctor (Sylvester McCoy) in the tv show, Doctor Who
63. "Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" -- Juggernaut (Vinnie Jones) in the movie, X-Men: The Last Stand
64. "You know what? You've got spunk." -- Lou (Ed Asner)
"Well, yes ..." -- Mary (Mary Tyler Moore)
"I hate spunk!" -- Lou Grant on the tv show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show
65. "Is that the bitch who stole our son?" -- Mrs. Gant (Talisa Soto)
"And by the way, I'm the bitch protecting him." -- Sever (Lucy Liu) in the movie, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
[I'm one of the small minority of people that likes this film. Movie Recap. YouTube clip. YouTube clip 2.]
66. "Terminate with extreme prejudice." -- CIA guy talking to Capt. Willard (Martin Sheen) in the movie, Apocalypse Now
67. "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." -- David Banner (Bill Bixby) in the tv show, The Incredible Hulk
68. "He pulls a knife, you pull a gun.
He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue." -- Malone (Sean Connery) in the movie, The Untouchables
69. "I'm gonna take this right foot, and I'm gonna whop you on that side of your face.
And you wanna know something? There's not a damn thing
you're gonna be able to do about it." -- Billy Jack (Tom Laughlin) in the movie, Billy Jack
70. "Riddle me this, Batman." -- The Riddler (Frank Gorshin) on the tv show, Batman
71. "I got a rock." -- Charlie Brown in the Halloween special, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
72. Mulder and Scully are trying to find some suspicious tanker trucks.
"Which way do you think they went?" -- Mulder (David Duchovny)
"We've got two choices. One of them's wrong." -- Scully (Gillian Anderson)
"I think they went left." -- Mulder
"I don't know why, I think they went right." -- Scully
Mulder pauses, and then plays a hunch and drives straight, off the paved road into the dirt and deep
into the desert. Like many Mulder hunches, this one turns out to be right.
This scene occurs about 57 minutes into the movie, The X-Files: Fight the Future
73. "Merry Christmas." -- Roedecker gives Frank Black some videotapes as a Christmas present.
"Black Christmas and Silent Night Deadly Night." -- Frank Black reads the titles of the videos.
"Nothing will put you more in the mood for the holidays than a serial-killing Santa." -- Roedecker
"This is not a serial killer. It's a spree killer." -- Frank Black (Lance Henriksen) in the tv show, Millennium
[Frank Black is one of the few people who would know the difference.]
74. "Sounds like a real stormy romance." -- Jack Cates (Nick Nolte) in the movie, 48 Hrs.
75. "Uh-Oh, We're in trouble,
Something's come along and
it's burst our bubble." -- some lyrics from the Shampoo song, Trouble
76. "Everything we know about you guys ... is wrong." -- Hiccup in the movie, How to Train Your Dragon
77. "My Mondays are better than most people's Christmas." -- Tony Robbins talking about doing work you love
78. SBI agent Megan O'Malley (Valerie Bertinelli) has been taken off a kidnapping case because of her misconduct.
The bad guys kill her replacement and threaten to kill any other replacements. They pin a note to the corpse that says,
"We want to play with the clever girl." -- from the tv movie, Night Sins
79. "A man who has nothing which he is willing to fight for, nothing which he cares more about than he does about
his personal safety, is a miserable creature ... ." -- John Stuart Mill
80. "Every man dies, not every man really lives." -- William Wallace (Mel Gibson) in the movie, Braveheart
81. "Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss." -- from The Who song, "Won't Get Fooled Again"
82. "By faithfully working eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day." -- Robert Frost
83. "One can't believe impossible things." -- Alice
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." -- The White Queen in
Alice Through the Looking-Glass
84. "We only think when we are in trouble." -- a paraphrase of John Dewey's words
85. Perfection is the enemy of good enuff.
86. "I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common. They all wanted validation.
... I would tell you that every single person that you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know:
'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?' " -- Oprah Winfrey on her final show